Spam, spam, contemplation and spam.

[themeletor]

I just remembered this.



But, it was all there, in startling way-too-close intensity, as though the small numbers just made it a higher concentration... does that make any sense? I suppose not. I remember, though, distinctly, the images. Two rows of soldiers, facing off, in ... in my garage. They were in full uniform, all ages. Some were boys only as old as my brother or a little older; some were weathered, weary, gaunt and harried men who had been through it so many times before. Two of them, boys about my age, were brothers. The uniforms ... they were Continentals on one side and British on the other. I stood with the British. The two brothers were on opposite sides. They faced eachother not five feet apart. About... a dozen or so to a line. At either end, like at the head and foot of a banquet table, there was a three-pounder, facing in toward the middle. If I looked from the breech of one, I could see into the muzzle of the other. And all I remember thinking is that this wasn't, as it seems now, a garage-reenactment. It was the real thing. I was convinced of it.

I've had a few other dreams related to these historical obsessions, and one that I can recall quite clearly, but it was silly and involved me marching up to Captain Jack Aubrey and informing him that his coat was historically inaccurate -- it was short a button. At the time it was all entirely serious to me, of course, as dreams are, but as soon as I woke it was ridiculous.

But this wasn't one of those. Once 'Fire!' was called, I remember watching in horror from my place in the lines, and then collapsing onto the ground in tears, just sobbing. One of the soldiers, one of the brothers, the one in Continental uniform, told me not to stop crying, and that I would get used to it. I think that's what stays the most clearly in my mind. "Keep crying. You'll get used to it. We all have."

...It was... eerie. Not a nightmare.
I don't know what it was.
It broke my heart, and at the same time was... can I say... comforting? I shouldn't be able to.

I don't get it.
But I think I needed to tell it.

Thanks for humoring me, as I probably just ate some bad brownies before bed, or something.

Comments

[ima-pseudonym.livejournal.com]

*pats consolingly*

Let's see... Perhaps what you saw was the echo of a real life situation.
Or, from a psychological approach.. What you saw could be symbolic of the difficult time your family is having right now.. (hence the brothers)

It was heart-breaking for obvious reasons. Facing off against loved ones.. And perhaps comforting because no matter how messy it gets.. it will all settle, in the end. The hardest part is over after the first shot. Then there's only the healing to get through.

Of course, it 'could' be the brownies... But I find it hard to distrust chocolate.

[tiggothy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[trolleypup.livejournal.com]

It beats having four separate bus on vehicle accidents in a single dream, realizing that it was a stupid dream, and waking up and having two more plus a passenger altercation, before waking up and realising it was just the Sunday morning parking at 3rd Baptist across the street.

[drbillbongo.livejournal.com]

You're too much in the Naval fandom - my diagnosis as Dr. Bill Bongo. ;) But I don't think it's a bad thing. *lol*

involved me marching up to Captain Jack Aubrey and informing him that his coat was historically inaccurate
Mel, you rock!!!

And you might be pleased to know that I bought Jane Austen's "Pride & Prejudice" to be read asap.