And now for some T-day cynicism from -M

[themeletor]

I realize several people on my flist are probably a little sketchy on the whole Thanksgiving thing. So I thought I'd break out my Powers of Observation and Ascerbic Wit, and clear it up a bit for y'all.
lolita_stardust's words, which I am using as a springboard:
Could someone please explain Thanksgiving to me?

I mean, i get the basics, but what do you eat? are there other customs? are there typical Thanksgiving movies the way there are christmas movies? how do you decorate the house? anything else?

Hrm. Thanksgiving. When you can finally get the whole family in one place for long enough to get some really great fights going.

Eat- Turkey. Turkeyturkeyturkey. Or, for those of us who -aren't- barbarians, there's the much-abused 'tofurkey'. Tofu-turkey. Along with, classic dishes are such delicate and difficult-to-prepare things as canned-soup and frozen-greenbean casserole, mashed potatoes, yams in sugar and butter -sometimes with the haute-cuisine addition of small marshmallows-, canned synthesized cranberry sauce, and a mess of other things one's in-laws brings to make one's stomach turn and one's cooking look bad.

Other- football (American football >.< which is dumb), arguing with relatives, waxing patriotic and religious when one is in fact nothing of the sort.

Movies- Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving? Perhaps? There are probably several fringe T-day specials, but generally the networks don't trouble themselves with it, except that the T-meal drama provides hackneyed fodder for sitcom drivel.

Decorations- smoke rolling out from the oven, withered-looking papier-mache turkeys scattered about, random corn and "harvest" items placed on every surface available. Go with the warm, mute colors, like rusted fender, or dried blood, or squashed squash, or overdone pumpkin. Use thick, jarring textiles. Think burlap. And a few half-drunk beer cans or bottles will help set the scene for dinner.

Anything Else?- Dear lord I should hope not.

Voila, mes amis.

Comments

[drbillbongo.livejournal.com]

I heard about Thanksgiving in English classes, but this was long ago, probably my 7th form (meaning my 2nd year of learning English) and I only remember that you're eating turkey. Well, no wonder that I could remember that, food fan that I am. Turkey's yummy, but I wouldn't want to chew on a bone. Better have a steak or something like that. ;)

[meletor-et-al.livejournal.com]

heh. Thanksgiving is one of those American holidays that makes me want to dig a hole and hide in it.

[drbillbongo.livejournal.com]

Well, we celebrate sth that is called "Erntedank" ("Harvest Thanks" - that's a stupid word *giggles*), but it's no holiday. It's just a special ceremony in church.

[jenlan.livejournal.com]

Can't forget:

The belching, the unbuttoning of overly tight pants, and the loud raucous laughter of relatives who pass by to pinch your cheeks and comment (to everyone) my how you've grown...

[meletor-et-al.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes! Must add that. I guess there was an anything else.

[lolita-stardust.livejournal.com]

full of holiday spirit then? :-)

it sounds like our christmas except we have an Eastenders omnibus instead of American football

and what the hell's a yam? is it like a sweet potato? or is it an actual sweet potato?

[jenlan.livejournal.com]

(psst! if this posts twice...sorry! stupid f@#!cking LJ keeps taunting me with error messages!!)

*clears throat and adjusts the tiny spectacles that are, of course, perched on the end of her nose*

Well our idea of the yam is actually these orange-colored sweet potatoes. They're technically the Louisiana sweet potato (named after the state that invented them) but the folks there wanted to be distinguished from other sweet potatos...hence 'yam'

The real yam is of African origin and roughly translates to "manly" or something...why? cuz it looks just like something all guys have...*pointedly stares downward* yeah, I think you get it ^_^

OK, I'm done giving my lesson of the day. *promptly throws off shawl, schoolteacher skirt, grey wig, and spectacles to reveal jeans and a "Go Bears" t-shirt*

Ta!

[ima-pseudonym.livejournal.com]

*tuts* You can do all that.. if you want to be fancy about it. We turn our plastic jack-o-lanterns around, and- Ta da! regular festive pumpkins. Harvest corn doesn't work in a house with animals that will eat it. A basic rule of thumb is that Halloween decorations are the same color as Thanksgiving ones.. and if one squints hard enough, you can't make out the ghosts. Willy Wonka comes on every year, round these parts, so it's a bit synonymous with thanksgiving to me. And, of course, there's the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. But the main thing that is a Thanksgiving tradition (besides pulling pre-packaged innards out of a frozen turkey)is the day after national obsession with finding all known acquaintances an already cheap, on sale gift in the overpacked malls. Bring a taser gun.

[meletor-et-al.livejournal.com]

Hehee... you are very right. So... you goin' shopping tomorrow??

[ima-pseudonym.livejournal.com]

Yeah.. Left at the crack of 5, too... er.. *cough* PM *cough*. Wasn't anything special.. But the cashier at Barnes and Noble did look like a young John Kerry. Did you shop?

[(Anonymous)]

~Em

Um, wow. You having a bad day hun?

Can I just point out that Canadians also celebrate Thanksgiving, albeit on a different day?

Yeah, barbarians. Glad to hear what you think of us.

Don't forget in your cynicism that green bean casserole can be just as well prepared with canned green beans.

[meletor-et-al.livejournal.com]

No, actually. Note that it was humor. I don't much care for Thanksgiving, though; that much is true.

Yes, you NASTY MEATEATERS!

Canned? Slacker.