themeletor | on tilting at windmills and momentary altrusitic navel-gazing

changed my default icon; I'd been thinking about it for a while. the fact that I really miss my ACS job right now is what pushed me over. rather selfishly, I miss the sense of purpose and do-gooding it gave me. less selfishly, I honestly do miss that do-gooding, the opportunity to help where I know help was needed, and the handful of people each night who shared their survival stories with me, or even their treatment woes, their grief, the ways in which cancer has touched their lives. every time, I felt honored to be let into their lives that little bit, for those few moments; the success stories gave me heart, and each time one of the not-so-success-stories said goodbye with a voice that was just a tiny bit lighter than it had been when they picked up, I felt like the world might be moving in the right direction for once, in spite of everything. I also miss my cornermates. I miss our list of silly names. I miss the square of paper with "Jill Batman" scribbled on it that I kept tacked up on my wall, because seriously, my coworker called a Jill Batman.

and oh, by the way, I'm at school now. arrived safely yesterday afternoon. start classes on Thursday. we'll see how the rest of it goes.