(no subject)

[themeletor]

Next person who asks me about a job?

Is going to be SHOT.

Just so that everyone who might bring it up and who is not my parents (at whom I have already just snapped) knows -- NO JOB QUESTIONS.

It is perfectly, painfully obvious to me that I do not and will not have enough money without a. But I have put in all my papers, and am not about to bust my shit over getting a work study when there's really not a lot more I can do. In the mean time, it would help NOT to remind me that I'm walking on eggshells, living on borrowed money, and hanging on to the edges of this little heaven I've found -- and I've worked hard for my grip on those edges. FUCK NO I am not letting go.

Shit, now I've let myself get really emo.
It is not good, my mood or my evening. In case you couldn't tell.
Escape would be nice, but I can't squeeze out any writing, thankyoumumanddad.

Can I just... pretend that I deserve to be here, for a little longer? Pretend that what feels more like home than my house ever did is really where I can stay? Pretend, maybe, even, that I won't have to give up sailing for lack of time (I'll have to be working) and money (can't buy gear anyway)?


I thought it would take a little more than this to make me cry.

What the hell.

Comments

[cibeles.livejournal.com]

well, um... this is going to cheer you up. I hope.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj1.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj2.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj3.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj4.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj5.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj6.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj7.jpg
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a19/LaMarquise/rotj8.jpg

[meletor-et-al.livejournal.com]

those are fantastic; thank you.

and, it's the Joker... how can I not smile?

[shrieking-ell.livejournal.com]

*pets you*

*hugs you*

HELL YEAH YOU DESERVE TO BE THERE!
(don't let anyone convince you otherwise)

Anybody gives you trouble wid dat, you send 'em ta me!

[meletor-et-al.livejournal.com]

I know I worked hard enough to be here, and I'm smart enough to be here, so by all merits and logic I know I 'deserve' it. but... every time Marie wants to go shopping for the dorm, and I have to say "You get what you want; there's nothing I need," and we both know it means "there's nothing I can afford"... I don't mind saying it, but sometimes I catch pity in her "yeah, okay" and that just beginning to wear me down a little, I guess.

[/whining]

[shrieking-ell.livejournal.com]

I've been there. I was the scholarship kid, too at a liberal arts college full of really rich "middle class" kids. it gets better. really it does. hang in there!

[trolleypup.livejournal.com]

No pretending. You do deserve to be there. To have a home that fits you.

Been there, done that, it worked out, despite suckiness in the middle.

[wulingyi.livejournal.com]

It really gets better and if you really feel weel and truly that it is the end of the fall, you can only start climbing up. I felt this way too-- and I wasn't even studying anymore. Feeling unwelcome in one's own home is horrible.

[wulingyi.livejournal.com]

And of course, the most important part. ^^ We love you ^^

[ima-pseudonym.livejournal.com]

That school is great.. It's produced many fine and famous writers.. And as such. It is right where you belong. So they can add you to their list of successful alumni one day.

If you haven't sent the check, yet (for the comic).. don't. And if you have.. That thing ain't getting cashed. You just worry about getting from one day to the next. (Of course, you're still getting your book, and cards. ^_^) Consider them Christmas presents.

You're one of the brightest people I know. You'll think of something. *hugs*

[lolita-stardust.livejournal.com]

you absolutely deserve to be there!! it's so sad these days that we bust our asses getting the grades we need to go somewhere we love and study something we love and that it always comes down to money.

my advice? keep pretending for at least a semester, throw yourself into your course, really get a handle on your new life and workload, and when you think you've adjusted to this enourmous (but lovely) upheaval in your life, then think about getting a job.

from someone who's been there, even if you end up working 3 jobs in the summer holidays it's worth it not to let your degree work get screwed up because you didn't have the time to devote to it because you were earning cash to stay there.

you

[lolita-stardust.livejournal.com]

continued because I hit post accidentally

you're at an amazing college and you're there to study, make sure that this *always* remains the most important thing and sod the cashflow crisis.

[tiggothy.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

lolita_stardust already said what I was going to, but (as always) in far more eloquent terms. Though I'm not entirely sure what length holidays you get, I know that there's a reason we have huge long summer holidays in the UK - so one has a chance of earning money to pay for stuff during termtime.

and I know what it's like living with people who have access to greater funds - I came across it in my final year.

*hugs you again* Please, please don't let this get on top of you. You're such a fantastic, wonderful, and clever person.

[captain-molly.livejournal.com]

*kisses you*

I know what it's like having a rough time at work, babe. If you need help, let me know. I'm kind of broke, but if I can help—even if ten bucks from my allowance would help, email me (mollymarrou@gmail.com) your address, and I'll chuck it in the mail and hope you can get lunch. No need to pay me back. Ever.

I love you darlin', and I need you to be happy.

[elessil.livejournal.com]

No, don't ever let go. The best of luck.

*hugs*